Most people want to find a “forever someone” to share the rest of their life with. People are hardwired with a need to connect with other people. It’s perfectly healthy to want to share your life with someone. However; for many people, finding true love has turned into serial dating, broken hearts and disappointment. According to a recent survey from a premium dating site EliteSingles, Canadian men hate being single at Christmas and are far more likely than women to view it as a romantic holiday.
So if you’re wanting to unwrap the gift of love this holiday season and are caught up in the vicious cycle of one failed relationship after another; here are three pieces of advice that can help you find a happy, healthy and lasting relationship,
1. Stop looking for a relationship. Yes, you read that right. Whether you’re going from relationship to relationship or constantly dating someone new in hopes of finding someone, sometimes the best thing to do is to stop looking. When we focus too much on something, we can overlook the obvious and get stuck in a vicious repetitive cycle.
Clear your head from the mantra “I need to be in a relationship”. This gives our brains a chance to see things differently and gain a new perspective. You don’t need to give up on looking for love. On the contrary! Sometimes we simply need a break from our current pattern so we can learn to look for love in a different way.
2. Learn to love the single life. We live in a society where people determine their worth and others by their relationship status. Here’s the thing – you’re not a ‘status’. You’re worth has nothing to do with whether or not you’re in a relationship. People devalue themselves when they rely on their relationship status to determine their worth.
By learning to love the single life, you not only remove the anxiety from the expectation of having a relationship, you build your confidence and self-worth. This raises the standard, not only for others but for you as well. When you learn to love the single life, you learn to love yourself. If you want to find true love, fall in love with yourself first! When you love yourself, you won’t settle for a relationship that’s less than.
3. Learn to have realistic expectations. Everyone looking for love wants to find that perfect person and build that perfect relationship. The problem is that perfect people and perfect relationships don’t exist. Those who seek perfection tend to be more stressed, tense, depressed, easily angered, and disappointed in the end. This can lead to venturing into a toxic and volatile relationship.
This is not to say that you should lower your expectations for what you want and need from a person. In fact, it’s quite the opposite since lowering expectations has led to many unhappy and failed relationships. You should have high expectations when it comes to finding a person to spend your life with. You should never expect everything to be perfect. Even the happiest of couples have bumps they go over and hills they climb. They just learn to work through their differences and support each other when things are less than perfect.
Healthy relationships happen because two people who are secure in themselves work to make it happen. Not looking for a relationship, loving being single and being realistic in your expectations go hand in hand. It’s all a matter of perspective. If you want to find a happy and healthy relationship with someone, then stop looking for just anyone. Love yourself and be okay with being single and when you find someone you want to share your life with, don’t expect everything to be perfect!